Okay – so just a word of warning: this blog post is definitely a whoa-is-me whining post. So feel free to move on if you have never had a day like I’ve been having lately.
I’m done.
I’m done having Celiac Disease.
Are you?
Well, okay. I just wish I were done. Today is one of those days. I’m hungry. More hungry that my salad and pear are going to satisfy. More hungry than my now longer-than-expected workday is going to handle. And I hate it.
I hate the daily reaching in to grab some fish crackers for the Littles and wishing I could just as easily grab a snack for myself (crackers, peanut butter toast, etc) that I either didn’t have to make from scratch or would bust the budget. After all, our grocery money only goes as far as yours and I want us to have as many fresh fruit and veg that it can handle rather than carbs anyway.
Yes, I can and do make crackers, muffins, toast, bread, etc for myself. It tastes a hell of a lot better than the stuff I can pay for. Really. And I know exactly what is in it. Always an added bonus, right?
But this week I am tired. Final exams were last week (I moaned about the papers/projects I am grading on Facebook) and grades are due i two days. I’m practically done. That’s not the problem. But I’m tired – dog-dead-wrung out tired. Grading, planning, etc and sticking to my absolute time-for-the-Littles each night to read, bathe, play and laugh together = all of that has worn me out. Doesn’t matter that I’ve gone to bed earlier than usually (if you count 10PM as earlier – it is… earlier than my normal 11-11:30 when grades are due!).
Does tired make me more resentful of having Celiac Disease or just the minor amount of time required to PLAN and PREPARE for said hunger meltdowns or carb-needs? Yes.
And this would be why – when people ask – why it is SUCH a pain in the butt to go “grab something” for lunch. It’s not because it’s not always possible, because yes, I can go grab a bag of GF chips or carrots or whatever from the grocer. (And no, I can’t run out to get something to eat while teaching. We have 20 minute long lunch periods during which I eat at my desk and work – see photo above.) It’s because of simple this: sometimes it sucks not to be able “just to grab anything” convenient.
Simply that.
And I’m not about to go demand that people feed me correctly or safely.
I’m not about to go whining my way through the GF product chain about the need for better (and cheaper!) crackers or bread.
I’m just going to suck it up today and put on my big-girl pants.
And then tonight I am going to back the biggest batch of pumpkin muffins that ever existed on the planet. By God, I will.
And I might just eat them all. Unless these two little stinkers get their hands on them. They are the reason why the last two batches got demolished in record time too.
Grrrrrrumble!!!
Hope you are having a successful and happy GF Day today to help make up for the crab-pants I appear to be wearing.
:S
Kate
PS. It does not help in the least bit that my next two classes are starting a unit about food in Spanish class. Really. Today is out to ruin me, I swear. Or… I might just eat my arm off before I get to the kids for pick up after work today. That outta be pretty.
Gluten Free Gobsmacked 
I know people hate whiners but you know what? I really appreciate this post because although I am not celiac I don’t want to eat that other stuff. Everyone always looks like they are so strong and sometimes it makes you feel bad if you aren’t living 100% pure lifestyle.
I appreciate that there are others out there that have their struggles and are willing to share them so that we can all feel a sense of support.
Good job!
So true! Those looks are killer too. I know what you mean!
I feel your pain sister. It really is so inconvenient and expensive to have to be GF. Are you also off of dairy? If not, some cheese on top of that salad would be yummy.
Don’t you eat any meat? Meat and fat always fill me up for a long time. If all you eat is fruit and salads I’m not surprised that you’re hungry! Can you eat eggs? They are very quick-cooking, good for you, and might just keep you full for a long time.
I can and do eat meat and eggs. But I usually make breakfast for the kids and pack something for me for later. Today I am kicking myself. 😉
Oh I know what you mean I think as woman when you are either over worked , tired or just sick of everyday problems you need that extra treat or something for me it’s chocolate !! When I am over worked and stress I have to have chocolate, I have enjoy life chocolate chunks chips and regular chips on hand at all times to either throw in my mouth or to make a yummy treat. The other day my hubby was craving a eclair ( he can have gluten) so I went to my gourmet grocery just slobbering and wishing I had one, then watching him eat it was worse , but later that night he said he felt sick so I laughed to myself thinking well I don’t miss it after all… I am trying this minute a gluten free frozen hot chocolate I will let you know if it works.
Hope your muffins were satisfying !!
love,
Rose
So sorry you’re having a rough time. You are trying so hard…I believe God will help you with all you need – and sometimes what we need is to stop and rest, and let Him change our lives – and us – into something a little easier. I’m praying for you – hang in there!
This happens to me even in our house! My husband will grab a bowl of chips or sweet junk, while I’m hungry and want FOOD. Actual, real, grew from the earth not made of chemicals FOOD. Sugar and junk make me feel awful. But I am sometimes so hungry I want to cry and can’t think about what to make…
Always having nuts available helps a lot (oy–a teacher–can you have nuts in your classroom?). I keep a jar of natural, no sugar (but I like the salt) peanut butter in my drawer. Or a bag of raw almonds. I also keep a really good dark chocolate bar in my desk. Fulfills a craving with small quantities.
To make salads more satisfying, have you tried making a batch of lentils or beans and a batch of grain on the weekend to throw in your salads? I have come to love a green salad that includes a scoop of grains, one of pulses, and hopefully cheese, nuts and/or fruit. They hold me over for a much longer stretch of time than just greens & fruit.
And sometimes, we just need to complain! Totally get that.
I’m right there with ya on the salad thing….especially that my favorite Good Seasons mixes are now off limits. Now I’m back to olive oil and balsamic vinegar. It feels good to whine sometimes! 🙂
Oh Kate, I wish you were in Portland cuz I’d just run over there with a jar of nuts and a couple coconut-flour muffins to tide you over! I appreciate this post b/c I hate to be hungry. Brings up all sorts of other uncomfortable and related deprivation feelings.
It is hard. Sometimes, it’s hard to be on top of all the moving parts of a household. And sometimes if Momma is the only one that needs GF, the GF food gets fixed last, if at all. I’ve almost had a panic attack in the grocery store looking at all the items I can’t have….forever! It does take extra planning and time. I am so glad to see more mainstream products on the regular shelves like the new special K popcorn chips and all the flavors of chex. My best bet has been to simplify. Decide on several snacks for half the week and then change it up. Yet, I like a lot of variety. And now the only way to get more variety is to make it myself/plan very well. So, I feel your pain. I get it. It is hard. But it still beats being doubled over on the couch all evening because I ate something with gluten in it. I DON’T have time for that. I have to remind myself of this often!
I forgot to mention, I don’t share. I may for the first day, but then I pack up the GF food I’ve made and freeze it. The family usually forgets about it after 24 hours anyway.
Bake on the weekends and freeze. Soup, corn muffins, whatever you like. I have about 5 kinds of soup in the freezer right now. One meal for dinner, the rest for my lunches.
It takes about 20 minutes to cook up a batch of quinoa…and you can toss it in anything and everything! Do you keep hard-boiled eggs in the frig? Fast grabbing at any moment! I, too, keep nuts in my vehicle at.all.times…..and a g-free protein bar, either with the nuts or in my bag! Lately, I’ve been making wraps; I hit on the best recipe combo e.v.e.r. and have been eating at least one every day…which I know isn’t the best idea but those babies will hold absolutely anything! I love food too much to not allow my mind to take my taste buds where they want to go! I don’t miss bread now at all. And yogurt is something I do at least every other day. Oh, how I wish I could come over and help you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ha, I had a whiny day on Monday and actually shared the whine on Twitter too, just one brief whine and then I was done, so know what you mean. We had a party at work as a farewell to a co-worker and the only thing out of this huge spread of food that I could eat was salad (which I found out later had Good Seasons dressing on it which may or may not have been ok for me to eat – I am gluten intolerant not Celiac). I mean, it was all junk and crap – pizza, wings, noodles, cakes, cookies, etc. which, ultimately, I’m glad I don’t eat. But some days it does suck to not be like everyone else, to not indulge together, to be surrounded by the food and not even try a bite, to have people ask if I’ve tasted such and such…I expected it, I brought my own lunch, but still…Luckily the moments pass and we are strong. Good luck to you! This too will pass. 🙂
Oh, Kate I am in the same “I’m sick of salad” rut you’re in! But I just came across this recipe: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/food-network-kitchens/smoked-trout-and-potato-salad-recipe/index.html and I’M EATING IT RIGHT NOW, and omg, it’s good!!! I did not want to be bothered with the watercress, so used torn red leaf lettuce, and used smoked salmon instead of smoked trout. And I completely forgot the cucumber, even though there’s one sitting right there in the fridge. Next time I make it, I’m going to add sliced hard-boiled eggs, too. Oh, and I added a squeeze of honey to the dressing, and used dried dill instead of fresh. No time to chop fresh dill.
I wonder if it would make your life easier if you made your kitchen entirely gf except for having gluteny bread for everyone else? I think what you’d lose in convenience (goldfish crackers, chicken nuggets, etc. for the littles), you’d gain in sanity and healthful eating. And you just might have a big gain in the convenience of not having to fix 2 sets of meals?
And if it’s any help, I love love love your blog. Even when you’re in a bad mood. 🙂
Allison. That salad sounds so good! I’m putting it in the list to try.
And for the record, I am super lucky because my kitchen is 95% gluten free minus the items I mentioned for kids and crackers for my husband We are moving further away from processed food than ever which according to our friends/ family we’ve always done anyway. But it felt selfish (feels?) to demand that my whole family give up everything at home just for me. If that makes sense.
And thank you for the support and kindness about the blog. 🙂
On days like this, you need snacks – homemade granola with some type of chocolate (for comfort), or popcorn helps…it is the constant hand to mouth motion and the food’s texture I find helpful. But the others are right, protein will stick with you, so hard boiled eggs and some quickly sauteed chicken tenders (use a spicy sprinkle of something hot on them while they cook) might be something to keep in your lunch bag. Some days you just need to graze. I am GF and on Weight Watchers so I understand your pangs!
When people ask me how eating gf is going for me–it’s been almost 3 years since I was diagnosed with Celiac disease–I am able to explain that it’s really no big deal. I’ve learned what I can and can’t eat, found some really great alternatives, and have settled well into my diet. It’s just life now, and I’m used to it. But…occasionally I have those days where I am so frustrated and just want to eat like everyone else (or a whole bag of oreos in one sitting). Usually it’s when I’m away from home or on vacation, but sometimes it just randomly hits. I feel your pain! Sometimes it’s nice to whine a little, because it is hard!
Thank you for posting this. I have a food allergy to wheat and know exactly the kind of day you are having. Convenience for me is missed more than the foods. Do people really have time to cook/bake from scratch, with a truck load of strange ingredients, all bread, cracker, muffin, bagel, cream of soup etc? And, another salad?!! My husband has heard this on more than 1 occasion. It is so old to hear others feel the same and My whining has justification.
I was thinking the same thing this morning 🙂 It’s not that I can’t have the food…the Lord has helped me figure out how to modify & adapt. It’s that I just can’t grab something and run. Sometimes cooking just is SO MUCH EFFORT. Even when my husband is sympathetic and offers for us to go out to eat, it’s so limited. I’m GF, dairy free, and mold free (no peanuts, yeast, mushrooms, etc.) The only “bonus” is that my son is now dairy free too. So, our meals are all matching our needs. That has helped a bit, but makes lunches a challenge for school. He was a dairy-o-holic! Hang in there. The Lord will see you through.
THIS is what i needed to read. we’re preparing to go gluten (and dairy free- not all at once, but eventually) and i’m scared to death. everyone makes it seem easy & delightful, and i KNOW that can’t always be possible! i’m sorry you’re having a tired & hungry day, but i’m thankful that you shared the reality. i needed to know that it’s hard to someone who is experienced at this!
Kate, I hope today is a better day! I certainly identify with this post! Recently, I too have had many such days as you shared on the 29th. My life is much too hectic and crammed to the ceiling busy. The never-ending need to plan out every stinkin’ thing goes into my face gets monotonous and exhausting. Besides being hungry, I just get tired of thinking about it. Being GFDF is not the “grand culinary adventure” purported by many. Some days it’s just too much work and all I want to do is hurl that salad across the room! Of course, then I’d have no lunch… 🙂
So, the weekend after your post I ended up at Target in the food section. I saw there “GoPicnic” meals. I haven’t tasted them yet, but maybe someone else has: $4, shelf-stable, high protein & fiber, and most of the varieties gluten-free! I bought the 2 that were g-f and vegetarian. One has plantain chips, black bean spread, fruit and nut mix, edamame, and dark chocolate! The other was sunbutter and crackers with a similar variety of “sides.” I get stuck out without lunch some work days, and don’t want to spend $8 on a crappy salad every time that happens, so they’re going in the briefcase. I would imagine they’d be a great thing to have in your drawer when the salad doesn’t satisfy! Even if you break it down and eat one or two of the bits as a side to yours.
I understand you!!! Sometimes it just sucks to cealiac. The other day, one of my best friends told me “how the hell will you find someone who’ll accept to share your gluten free life, it seems so difficult and plain?” And she started making jokes like “ho and will you have two kitchens?”. She will never know how sad her comments made me, even if she really didn’t mean to be mean…And the “funny” thing is that i also have type 1 diabetes. I do handle that quite well, but i hate when people keep telling me about how “difficult” it must be. We all have our problems. And i think being forced to eat well and take of myself because of those two diseases isn’t so bad after all.
So, you have sometimes the right the whine and even say “fuck”!!!! And i love your blog!!!!
Mariya, I say ignore what your friend said. I am a vegetarian who cant have dairy or gluten, but I have been with the most amazing man for the last 10 yrs who eats everything I can’t. When you love someone you find a way to work around the food issues. My husband is very understanding when it comes to my diet, it has also made him realize there are more ways to prepare meals. We have worked it out that there are certain kitchen items that he uses only for his meat and gluten items. But he has slowly gotten used to eating gluten free items, like pasta and home made baked goods. When you find the person your meant to be with nothing else matters.
I’ve had many days like this. It doesn’t help in my case that I am a vegetarian who is lactose intolerant and can’t have gluten on top of it. Some days I just wish I could eat anything, but I know what happens if I cheat, and it’s not worth it. Snack bars have become my savior since going off gluten, I put them in my purse for those times when my lunch is just not enough. I’m not sure if it would work for you but I have found many a recipe for Lara bars, and I find they are a great healthy gluten free pick me up when you get hungry but don’t have time for anything else.
I so hear you! Some days I just want to give up, go out, and eat whatever’s on the menu without having to give a second thought to what’s in it or how it’s prepared. Then, I remember the consequences. Hang in there.