Gluten Free.. and dreaming….

“Up at the Lake” – Photo by my sister, Kari

It’s hard to stay grounded when life is swirling around. I’m incredibly busy at work – already swamped with paperwork, phone calls, planning, etc – but my mind isn’t really in the game here. Last Saturday we had our last home study session for the adoption. We received word that the couple(s??) who were ahead of us “in line” haven’t completed their online courses and/or other paperwork. What does this mean to us? Well… it’s good news, really. We anticipated learning who our baby was (aka “receiving the referral”) after January 1st but now it could be any time now. She told us that we could receive “the call” any time in October or later.

This news completely lifted my Love off his seat with joy and anticipation. And upon seeing his eyes glow, I felt my emotions rush but my brain told me to ease up. I know that this waiting – waiting to hear the word, get a picture of the Little One, etc – this waiting? This will be different than any other waiting we’ve ever done in our lives.

I am equating it to the moments, when we were single, that we would gaze upon the stars and wonder where the other one was or whether or not we would even find each other in our crazy world. Already our love connection and soul work has had us traveling over continents and countries to connect.

Just before we were married, my Love showed me a picture book he was writing. He said it was the story of us. The first page (began on the left) had a picture he had drawn of him as an infant, laying on the floor in Hong Kong (where he was born). On the mirrored page on the right, he had drawn a picture of a baby me, standing up in a crib. Each turn of the pages showed our progression growing up in different places, with different challenges and joys. Each page mirrored by the other. Each page closing the two of us together at that age/time, locking us in place. And then the pictures landed on one page: when we met. He showed me the empty pages in the sketchbook where we would write the next adventures of our lives.

Oh, I am so lucky to have my adventuring best friend by my side.

My ideal location for dreaming and becoming whole and grounded? “Up north”, of course. (For all of you non-Minnesotans, that usually means up at a family cabin, surround by trees and blue water. There really is no substitute for it.) My dad’s father built our family cabin (that’s just a picture of the sauna, by the way.). My father spent his youth there and so did all of us kids. Now, living so far away, I don’t get back there hardly at all. It’s heartbreaking, really, but a reality of my adult life. And while that fact makes it hard, the truth is, that is still where I find all the beauty of youth and family, all the grounding of trees and sky, and the healing from the water.

My sister just emailed the picture above to me and I found peace in its image. There are so many things outside of our control in life. I merely can float along with the waves of time and manage my own buoyancy. I go to the gym, to work, to the grocery store, etc. Life continues, but it’s altered path is like a veil before my eyes. I see the changes on the horizon of life with our child.

I’m excited.

I’m scared.

I’m thrilled.

I’m patiently waiting to welcome you with open arms, an open heart and an open mind.
Just please come home soon, Little One.
You are already so dearly loved.

-A wishful me